Why Me? (Monday Moments #100)
Posted On April 17, 2017
Recently I watched ’13 Reasons Why’. Obviously, it touched my heart and made me think. Before watching it, I had decided what my 100th post would be about and this just gave me reason enough. My earlier post was about love and the one before that was about friendship and earlier I have written posts about self-love as well. So, here goes the 100th one about mental illness.
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Every time she felt like staying home, she took the decision not to.
Every time she decided to decline a party invite, she took the decision not to.
Every time she thought of taking pills, she took the decision not to.
Every time she wanted to cry it out, she took a decision not to.
Every time she could’ve had a breakdown, she took a decision not to.
And because of every decision not to do it, every time she died a bit inside.
But, what was her fault? What was her fault that no one understood her? What was her fault that people made fun of her for something she couldn’t control? What was her fault that everything just sucked? What was her fault that she had to go through it all alone? What was her fault for any of it?
She might laugh around people and crack existential jokes. That doesn’t make her dark. That could be her way of using humour to deal with depression.
She might not portray her emotions all the time and might leave people in the middle of things. That doesn’t make her weird. That could be her way of dealing with social anxiety disorder.
She might double check everything and she might not stand a spelling mistake. That doesn’t make her rude. That could be her way of dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder.
She might not easily open up to you or might not want to do adventurous things. That doesn’t make her a loner. That could be her way of dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.
She might be a chatter box and talk about everything. That doesn’t make her a gossip. That could be her way of using people as something to deal with her pain.
She might be erratic. She might be selfish. She might be hard to comprehend. She might be a million different things. But, how you treat her is what she is finally going to be. You treat her kindly and she might get a reason to live. You treat her cruelly and you might take away her reason to live.
At the end of the night, her pillow is wet and in the morning her eyes sore. In the middle of the crowd her heartbeats are racing and in front of a crowd, her voice is mute. On the body are some unexplained cuts and in the soul are some unexplained pieces. At work, she has a fake smile and at home she has real tears. But at every moment, there is a constant question at the back of her head, “Is it all even worth it?”
(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)
About The Author
Aishwarya Shenolikar
Hello! I'm Aishwarya, an Introverted bookworm & writer. I have been reviewing books since 6 years on my blog - Mindscape in Words. My favourite genres are Historical Fiction, Mystery, Thrillers, Magical Realism, Poetry, Fantasy & Memoirs. I like the kind of books which evoke emotions on several levels leaving me wrecked, but also incredibly content. I'm dreaming for the world to paint a landscape full of words, more like Mindscape in Words. Hope you enjoy the view.
19 Comments
Beautifully written and moving. It is the greatest act of kindness and care to love others where they are out of sweet gentleness for another soul. Thank you for the reminder to treat others with grace!
Thanks for the reminder. I enjoyed reading your monday moments.
This is so moving, sweet friend. I haven't gotten through 13 Reasons yet, but I have read the book. It's such a touching story.
Mental illness is so tough. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and OCD, so I definitely understand that. Thankfully though, there is a God who cares deeply, and also, there's a strength that we can choose to keep going. I am so thankful for that!
I am an introvert too so I totally get those feelings you were writing about. I think sometimes people may think I'm unfriendly because of it, but I have plenty of friends who know the caring, thoughtful, funny person that I am. It was a very brave act for you to write this post…kudos to you.
Very powerful. A few of the people who I love struggle with depression and/or anxiety, I know how overwhelming it can be.
Very well written. My son suffers from anxiety and I know it can be quite debilitating. I'll have to show him this to see if it resonates.
Love this post!! Mental illness is real and it is so important that we bring more awareness. I have not seen the'13 Reasons Why' but it is on my list. I am going to watch the show with my 14 & 16 year old kids so they too can beware about depression and/or anxiety.
I am definitely an introvert and I work in a communications department. I am exhausted mentally when I get home and always super stressed out because of the traffic. I can handle my work, but it definitely takes a toll on my personal life.
What a beautifully written piece full of emotions! I know someone who suffers anxiety and depression and I can only imagine that's how she feels. I am glad you are able to put it into words.
What a well written and moving post. So many emotions going on. I suffer from anxiety and ocd and it can be so hard sometimes.
Great reminder. Such a great post, thank you for opening up and being so authentic. We all need these reminders.
I really need to watch this! I keep hearing about it and apparently its really worth the time! Thanks for sharing, I know opening up in regards to this topic can be hard! <3
So many powerful words that invoke so many powerful images. You can feel the pain and frustration. I have thought about watching this, but haven't started it yet.
My husband and I were perusing Netflix the other looking for a new series to watch and we almost chose this one! We actually ended up picking another called 'Thirteen!'
This post is so powerful! I have just started 13 Reasons Why after hearing about it from so many different people. My teens are watching it with me and it definitely makes you think.
I Love this!!! I know this story all to well. Thank you so much for posting this <3
This was well written and said a lot for the hurting person. (Who isn't hurting, though, right?!?) I hope it speaks to the person who needs it most.
I have heard of 13 Reasons Why but I have not seen it yet. I will look into it more.